MisInformation
by Etharei
Summary: You know those hilarious moments when somehow a message is garbled or misinterpreted the wrong way? Here are some light-hearted vignettes centered around various members of the Fellowship...
1. Hiccup One: Carols in a Court

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Author's Note: I'm baack! Many apologies, the exams finally reared their ugly claws and dragged me down into the mire. To celebrate, I've started a ongoing serial that will hopefully cheer your day. To those waiting for the next chapter of "Mirrors", I'm working on it!

Summary: Light-hearted, and as canonical as I could get. No particular chronological order, just a jumble of vignettes. A bit of innuendo, though. Inspired by **Insomniac Luddite** and **JastaElf**. 

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Disclaimer: This is Tolkein's world. Period.   
  


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Hiccup One: Carols In a Court  
  
"Are you all right, beloved?"  
  
Aragorn nodded as his wife's radiant face appeared by his side. They were in the Court of the Fountain, where he had been gazing at White Tree for the past hour. The Tree that he had planted so many years ago was growing beautifully, the pride of the White City, and a symbol of the kinship between the Kings of Men and the Eldar that had come from beyond Middle-Earth.  
  
"I was remembering my mother," he answered, smiling slightly to ease her anxious face. "She would have been glad to see this. She had hoped that it would be I who would restore the Tree and the City of my forefathers. I hope you are not jealous, meleth-nin." He wore his most roguish grin. "But you are not the only woman for whom I braved the dangers of the wild and the shadows of the world."  
  
His words achieved their desired effect, and Arwen smiled as she embraced him warmly. He felt some of the tension in him loosed up at her touch. "You have always been a bit of a scoundrel," she said teasingly, in a mock-shocked voice. "Then I suppose you will forgive me if I tell you that I had a secret lover also."  
  
At that exact moment, Elrohir came strolling down the path towards them. At the sight of him, in conjunction with what Arwen had just said, the King and Queen of Gondor burst out laughing.  
  
"What is this?" Elrohir asked with a raised eyebrow. "Somehow I sense I have been the topic of conversation."  
  
"I would hope not," said Aragorn, chuckling. "Is he?"  
  
"Of course not!" Arwen replied, in a genuinely shocked voice, swatting her husband lightly on the arm. "He's my brother!"  
  
"So am I," Aragorn retorted, blocking a second swat.   
  
"That's bad enough."  
  
"Elrohir, what have you done?" Elladan asked with resignation as he joined them, glaring at his twin.  
  
"Why is it always me?" Elrohir exclaimed. "Even when I barely say anything, it's still my fault!"  
  
"In most cases, it often is."  
  
"Peace, brothers," Aragorn cut in before things got out of hand. "We were just discussing your sister's illicit affairs."  
  
"WHAT?" Now both twins had their eyes on him.  
  
Arwen only threw her hands up helplessly and roared with laughter. "Nay," she gasped. "We were – speaking – of his – mother."  
  
Unfortunately, though she had meant to point towards her husband, Legolas and Gimli had come up the other path and were standing right behind Aragorn, and her less-than-steady finger could have indicated any one (or all) of the three.   
  
"Gimli's'mother had an illicit affair?" asked a very confused Elladan.  
  
This only made Arwen laugh harder (and she was joined by her husband now). At the same time the Dwarf mentioned bellowed "WHAT?" for, as we all know, it was a grave insult in the dwarven world to accuse another's parents of infidelity. Legolas, sensing that there was a joke at hand yet not willing to be subject to his friend's glare, kept his face impassive, though a corner of his mouth twitched slightly when the dwarf wasn't looking.  
  
"Nay!" Arwen tried again, her face flushed now. She tried to catch her breath before she elaborated further, but unfortunately the twins misinterpreted her hand gestures.  
  
"Wait- Aragorn, Legolas _and_ Gimli had an illicit affair with Gimli's mother?" ventured Elladan.  
  
Aragorn nearly toppled onto the floor, his limbs flaccid with the effort of laughing. Fortunately for the twin sons of Elrond, Gimli had always thought that elves had a strange sense of humour, and as Aragorn and Arwen seemed to find the situation amusing, he decided to shrug it off as another poor joke from the incorrigible half-elves.

  
Elladan and Elrohir, on the other hand, had of course realised that they were talking nonsense, but this new game of trying to guess what their sister was attempting to mime was far too much fun to give up on just yet.  
  
"Not – Gimli's – mother," she managed to say between wheezes.   
  
"With each other?" suggested Elrohir.  
  
When the King finally herded the laughing party back into the Citadel, the White Tree was still shaking, a few leaves dropping onto the fountain-pool. Others who saw it thought that the wind was slightly odd that day, for the Tree was obviously trembling- almost as if it were giggling.  
  
"_Kelvar_," he muttered fondly.  
  
~*~  
  
_Kelvar_- fauna; used by Yavanna when speaking to Manwe._ "But the _kelvar_ can flee or defend themselves, whereas the _olvar_ that grow cannot"_ so I interpreted it as flaura and fauna, respectively.  



	2. Hiccup Two: Bedlam in Bag End

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This hiccup is dedicated to the faithful readers/reviewers of "Mirrors": **Silian**, **Aria**, **xx embyr** and **Acacia**. Also a plea for **Sairavanie**'s sequel (hehee!). And a big hello to those who've started reading!

Hiccup 2- Bedlam in Bag End

"Have you seen those carrots I bought yesterday, Mr. Frodo?"

Frodo looked up from his writing-desk at a very flustered Sam. They were expecting Merry, Pippin, Rosie, and Fatty for dinner, and Sam had spent the day preparing what was beginning to look like a banquet, even by hobbit standards. 

"Sorry Sam, no," he replied, wondering how in Middle-Earth he would know the whereabouts of anything in Sam's kitchen- Bag End may be his, but the kitchen had belonged to Sam even before they had left for the Quest of Mount Doom. He couldn't help smiling as his friend walked off, muttering under his breath about walking vegetables. It was a very rare occasion when the son of Hamfast misplaced anything, and Frodo usually enjoyed seeing Sam flustered every now and then instead of _him_

Someone knocked at the door, then found that it was unlocked and walked right in. "Master Holdwine has entered Bag End!" announced Merry, swaggering in and displaying the White Horse upon Green embroidered on his tunic (a gift from Éomer). In the pantry Sam gave a loud yelp, shouting "Merry! Goodness, you weren't suppose to arrive for an hour!"

"There's a first for everything, Sam," Frodo called with a grin, making one more pen-stroke on the parchment before getting up and embracing his cousin. "I still can't get over the fact that you're a couple of inches taller than me now, Merry, though you and Pippin had been the shorter of us four."

Merry grinned. "My da says that it will help me when I become Master of Buckland, because then I can bodily throw out anyone who doesn't see eye-to-eye with me." The sound of a large pile of sundry crashing to the floor came from the pantry. "Say, is Sam all right? If I didn't know any better, I'd say he's looking for something."

Frodo laughed. "Yes, he's misplaced some carrots."

Merry whistled. "I s'ppose there _is_ a first for everything. Sam, you managed to cross into Mordor carrying your cooking gear- how on Middle-Earth did you lose carrots?"

"Anyone mention carrots?" 

The two hobbits turned to find the fourth member of the Travelers coming into the study. It appeared as if, as always, Merry and Pippin had coordinated their clothing, for Pippin was proudly wearing a tunic with the White Tree upon Black (a gift, strangely enough, from Gimli). 

"Sam's looking for some," replied Merry.

"Some what?"

"Carrots!"

"And a little help would be welcome!" Sam's voice was rather muffled, like he was buried under something (which turned out to be the sundry).

An hour, a pantry-excavation and four very worn-out hobbits later, the vegetables were still missing. The hobbits searched separate rooms and hallways first, then crisscrossed and re-checked each others' search areas. Frodo realised that the seemingly fruitless search was bringing out a side of his friends that he'd never seen before, when he overheard guttural sounds emanating from Pippin when they passed each another in a narrow corridor. Frodo knew enough of other languages to tell that it was in dwarven, and by the look on the hobbit's face less than complimentary, but where had he learned it?

"Pippin, if you don't stop asking for a dragon to lay waste to all the potato fields on Middle-Earth and turn all of Sam's ancestors into trees so you can hew at them with Durin's axe, I'm going to knock you out and leave you in the Old Forest for the trees.," shouted Merry from an adjoining room. "Maybe then they'd leave Buckland alone."

"More likely they'll flee and take up shelter in Buckland after having to put up with him for a few days," called Frodo with a laugh. 

"If you two go on like that I'll stuff Sam's carrots down your throats when I find 'em!" retorted Pippin

"Did anyone say carrots?" said Sam from another room.

"No, Sam, we were talking about the Old Forest and Pippin's dragon."

"Pippin's dragon?" A pause. "Oh. Sorry, I didn't know that Mr. Pippin likes trees so much."

Laughter hooted from one room with the sound of something large hitting something fluffy. "Merry, if you damage my bed you'll be enjoying the Old Forest with Pippin!" Frodo shouted down the hallway.

"Mr. Merry too?" 

Frodo sighed, fighting the urge to laugh even as a rather unpleasant mental image appeared in his mind. Shuddering, he determinedly tried to think of something else. "No, Sam, you see-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence, for the sound of something crashing came from his bedroom. Fearing what Merry might have done to his beautiful feather mattress, he stormed up the hallway and into his bedroom, Pippin hot on his heels and cursing in dwarven with renewed vigour. 

Just then Fatty and Rosie arrived, and were greeted by a red-faced Sam. 

"Hullo, Sam," said Fatty cheerily. "Where is Frodo?" he asked, eyeing the vacant writing-desk he always found Frodo in. His question was answered by a loud yell from Frodo's bedroom.

"Merry, get out of my bed!"

"Ouch! You needn't be so rough, Frodo." Someone cursed loudly. "And keep your dragon to yourself, Pip!"

"Ouch! That was uncalled-for, Merry! Get down now, or I'll force-feed _you_ a dragon!"

"Ouch! Now what was that for, Pip! And I think I should have a talk with Gimli about the things he teaches young hobbits…"

Clearing his throat, Sam tried to shake the mental image forming in his mind. "Mister Merry and Mister Pippin arrived early, and helped with… preparing dinner," he said shakily. "Let's go to the table, shall we?"

"Hey, I found it! Sam, I found your carrots- looks like Frodo's been hogging them all along!"

~*~

Author's Notes:

Wow, a review already? Thanks, **???** !


	3. Hiccup Three: Hidden Amongst the Archive...

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Dedicated to **Thundera Tiger**, who has been sorely missed and whose latest update inspired my choice for the main character in this hiccup.

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Hiccup 3- Hidden Amongst the Archives

"Is that what I think it is?"

"What do you think it is?"

"Don't get cheeky with me, Legolas," Thranduil grumbled, glaring at his grinning son. For a second he allowed himself in envisioning shaving off his youngest's hair down to the scalp, but that would not be proper behaviour for an elf lord, no. 

"My apologies, father." The grin remained, however. He had known that all that association with the brood of Eärendil were bound to have a side-effect. "And though I can't claim to read your mind, I believe that it is what you think it is."

Thranduil shuddered. For a moment he considered the idea that Legolas had planted it himself, but he sincerely prayed to Iluvatar that he had brought up his children with enough sense to not stoop that low. He would put it beneath the Dwarves!

"How did it get here?" He averted his eyes, unable to look any longer.

Legolas looked torn between amusement and horror. "I dare not think about it. But it is a deed worthy of Sauron himself."

"Pick it up, ion-nin."

"What?"

"As your father and King, I command you to pick up that… that gastly thing."

Footsteps behind them. The two elves turned, and saw the face of Gimli and King Elessar fixed in an expression of disbelief.

"King Elessar," Thranduil began, his voice a little shaky. "Would you know of any who may have entered the library recently and left this… This?"

The Man's mouth opened, closed, opened, then closed again. Gimli looked like he was deciding between laughing and averting his eyes. 

"Nay, I'm afraid not, King Thranduil," Elessar finally answered. "But rest assured, I shall speak to my men about it." 

Satisfied, and very eager to get as far away from the object in question as possible (and erase the unpleasant images in his mind concerning said object), Thranduil nodded and strode regally – albeit quickly – out of the dusty library.

Unfortunately for him (and for us, come to think of it), his keen hearing caught a hushed conversation that made him abandon all pretense of infallibility and fled the area.

"Apologies Aragorn, it was either the book or this, and I did not think it healthy for my father to even have knowledge of that book."

"I should never have trusted the likes of the two of you with such things!"

"Hush, Gimli. Speaking of which, can I have those back, Legolas?"

For the rest of the week Thranduil had nightmares- of very, very luminescent pink tight breeches.

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Author's Notes:

Wow, 15 reviews already! *Dances around happily. And **Thundera**'s back- check out "**A Mirkwood Solstice**" And apologies for the unlikeliness of this fic, but I couldn't resist! I had to have pink tights somewhere, and I don't dare think how it would fit in any of my other fics.

Whistling "Men In Tights"…

Many thanks to: **Silian, Dis Thrainsdotter, Virtuous Healer, LegyLuva, Aria, Alklachion, Menlathiel, Kaminari, Menegliniel, Eirtae, ~ME, suga_hi, Cerridwen**

This one's not much of a real 'hiccup', but hope you enjoy it anyway.


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